SuperMom: A New Name

Dear Readers,

I love that so many people have responded to my blogs. It's great to get that kind of support. I'm collaberating this blog along with parts of the novel that I'm writing, and to make the information more accessable, I'm just closing out the SuperMom blog. The honest truth? We don't have to be super. We just have to be real. Therefore, theSuperMomExperiment is now TheRealMomExperiment. Because we don't need superpowers. We just need to be ourselves.

The new blog will be at www.therealmomexperiment.blogspot.com
I hope to hear from you all. Many more posts to come. Thanks so much for your support!

Sincerely,
Erin
RealMom-in-training

SuperMom: "The (Un)Kindness of Strangers

One self-righteous stranger can strip the confidence of 100 mothers.  

One evening recently I took a walk with my children.  With baby in the sling across me, Molly-Ann in the monkey harness, and Hayden holding the hand of a wonderful neighbor, we set out to the convenience store down the block for a bit of fresh air.  While we were inside, since my children had minded so well during the trip, I decided to treat them both to a Bug Juice.  I step up to the line behind another woman and wait my turn.  She notices my little ones and begins a seemingly pleasant conversation with me.  My oldest seems far more interested in the ATM machine and the clerk continues ringing up my purchase, while Hayden and Molly-Ann drink contentedly from their juice bottles.  I continue my conversation while waiting for the total, and the seemingly sweet woman starts towards the door.  In a split-second Jekyll and Hyde moment, she turns to me, and in front of a crowd of spectators blurts out, “great parenting, get your kids all sugared up and full of blue dye before bedtime!  What a moron!”  She continues to stare at me, looking for a reply as my jaw hangs open and I just stare at her, completely dumbfounded.  Here I stood completely shocked and humiliated in front of about 10 strangers and the most she could do is toss her hair and flit out the door.  Not that she didn’t have a point, she most certainly did.  I should have thought twice about how close to bedtime it was, but who honestly can afford the jacked-up prices of natural juice?  It wasn’t that she didn’t have a point, it was the way that she made the point that bothered me.

I was half a block away when the shock came off of me and the anger set in.  I was hurt, I was embarrassed.  Most of all,23474465

 I was upset that I hadn’t thought of something snappy to come back with.  Seems like Murphy’s Law that every time a situation like that comes up all I can do is stand there like an idiot.  I should have turned around and said, “So I probably shouldn’t buy them beer and cigarettes either, huh?”  

I actually spent the rest of the evening obsessing over what I should have said.  And the truth of the matter is that I don’t need to say anything.  I don’t need to let some stranger shake my faith that I am a strong, capable SuperMom.  But the terrible truth is that this is far too common in our society.  Struggling mothers are offered terrible advice, even condemnation and public humiliation every day because someone else thinks it is their job to right the wrongs they see.  

My solution?  Ignore them.  Better yet, ask them to kindly shove it.  It infuriates them when they don’t get the upper hand.  They figure if they can get to you, they have an effect.  What they don’t realize is that they do have an effect, an incredibly negative one.  SuperMoms that don’t have enough confidence can become emotionally vulnerable from horrifying experiences like this.  Emotionally vulnerable mothers who are upset about someone’s opinion can experience trouble feeling adequate again.  Be it from an encounter with a stranger at the supermarket that tells her to put a muzzle on her child for pitching the all-too-common checkout aisle candy fit, or from someone she loves that flippantly remarks about her ability to mother, she may lose her self-esteem and confidence as a SuperMom.

I think this is a grave injustice.  We SuperMoms try hard enough to make every day for our children better than the last.  We go through enough every day without some pompous, egocentric moron telling us how horrible we are as a parent.  I say, if you see something wrong with the way a mother is acting towards her child, keep it to yourself.  A swat on the butt in a checkout aisle is not grounds for calling the parenting police down on a mother.  Now physical abuse and anger control is a problem, and I believe we should all do our part against it.  But a plain swat on the butt or a stern word or two does not warrant you butting in.  I personally do not spank.  It doesn’t work for my family, having a high strung son and a daughter that picks up on bad habits immediately.  But I was spanked as a child.  And I applaud my mother for it because it made me mind my manners and behave the way I should have.  She was successful and there are parents out there that can use the occasional corporal punishment and it can be an effective, healthy method for them.  Parenting purists are going to hate me for saying this, but I was spanked and I didn’t become psychologically confused about it.  I messed up, I got disciplined.  There wasn’t much to be confused about.  Sometimes that small swat can still be a healthy method in the right hands, literally. 

I once witnessed an older woman publicly humiliate a young mother because her infant was out without a hat.  My personal reaction to that?  If I was the one noticing the missing hat, I would comment about how I always forget hats at home and ask if I could purchase a hat for her baby.  I would tell her that I had just seen one in the baby aisle that would look adorable, and that it might help her out a bit with the chilly weather.  If she says no, then I respect that, I tell her congrats on the baby and say something like “she’s adorable!”  Then I would kindly go my way.  If I was the young mother being publicly scrutinized, I would have told her that if she felt so strongly about it, she was more than welcome to purchase a hat for the baby, or shut up.  I would demonstrate how I cover my child in blankets each and every time we step out the door.  I would say how a hat is easily forgotten (what with all the diaper bag items and the accessories that come with taking an infant out of the home) and unnecessary in a 73 degree store.  I would tell her to keep her criticism to herself unless she wanted some pointed back at her.

SuperMoms need to stand up for themselves at this time more than ever.  Every mother is a SuperMom, it’s about realizing how great you are at this 24/7 job.  And every SuperMom needs to pass along the confidence and support to other moms.  Together we are stronger.  Together we find a way, not to just survive, but to thrive.

SuperMom: The "Why" of Natural Parenting

One of the choices I made a few years ago was that, as a new mom, I was going to be open to new ideas. I’m not ready to say that I have perfected the method of parenting even now, so I still welcome new ways to make myself better as a SuperMom. One of the little joys of my day (and also a great way to catch a mental break from the kids) is sitting down with a good cup of joe and reading parenting magazines like, well, Parenting, Family Fun, Baby Talk, and American Baby. Reading helpful zines like these keep me abreast of the latest in parenting, pediatrics, child development, and research.
I recently came across an article about Natural Parenting. I laughed at first because the initial image that popped into my brain had something to do with disintegrating diapers, organic baby wipes, and solar-powered toys. Don’t get me wrong, I think finding ways to reduce our footprint on the environment is incredibly important. But many of the new “organic” baby ideas can be chalked up to being an expensive fad. See, I’m all about improving the parent-child bond, and that’s where my heart is at 99 percent of the time. Plus many of the organic baby items on the market right now are extremely expensive and cannot be ruled an economic choice.
So you can imagine my assumptions as I began to read what I was sure was just an article on the recent fad.
I was wrong.
Natural Parenting is a method that promotes the healthy growth of the child through an incredibly connected bond between parent and child. Natural Parenting promotes activities like attachment parenting (or baby-wearing,) breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and the gentle guidance approach to discipline. After researching a little more on the subject, I found out that this new Natural Parenting idea was another way of describing what mothers (including my own) had been doing for years. It wasn’t a new idea, it was a revisited one.
Somewhere along the way of becoming a young mother we’ve developed this complex that having a close-knit bond with our children while they are young is going to prevent them from being responsible, independent adults. We envision them 30 years old, living in our basement without a job, while Mom and Dad pay for their Xbox 360 subscription. This notion is ludicrous. More studies done on Natural Parenting families are beginning to show that when a child is raised in a close, secure, safe environment they are more likely to become courageous, independent young adults.
Because society tends to stress the “me, me, me” mentality, mothers have been taught to put their infant down at any given chance. Instead of building a bond over the course of time by extending the nursing or feeding sessions and allowing baby a chance to get to know Momma’s face, voice, and expressions, we’re taught that we will spoil that baby if we hold him too long. I’ve never heard such nonsense. One whole aspect of natural parenting is baby-wearing, where baby is in a sling, carrier, or in the parents arms for most of the day. This allows baby the chance to feel secure with either parent, and allows Daddy a chance to develop the special bond with baby that Momma did during the first nine months. It can be a powerful, effective relaxation tool. When baby is close and feels secure, he’s happier, he’s quieter, and (some studies say) he develops faster. Happier baby means happier parents. Of course there is another side to it. Goodness knows you can’t wear baby when you are cooking, cleaning, or, God knows, using the facilities, but the idea is sound. Keep baby close, in a bassinet, a glider, or a bouncy seat. Talk to him. Make him a part of your every day. Allow him to sleep close to you, in the room where the family is so he becomes used to the sounds of the household. The method is a fantastic way to bring a peace and sense of closeness to young families. When it comes to me, anything is worth trying once if it means a happier, healthier family.
A great resource for parents that are interested in the Natural method is the website http://www.naturalchild.org. This is a free website with articles and information about the Natural method, quotes for parents, an email newsletter, and even a shop directory for natural baby items. Donations are accepted and there is even a phone-counseling service available to help parents in the comfort of their home.
For information about studies done on attachment-parenting families, http://babyreference.com/ is an extremely interesting website with excerpts from Dr. Linda Palmer from Mothering.com.

SuperMom: "The Power of a Natural"

Disclaimer: this info-journal is honest. Some things I talk about may not be what some people are wanting or ready to hear. This is about personal growth and a SuperMom cannot grow unless she feels she needs to. Plain and simple, you may get offended. But know what I say is said in love. It’s said in truth and in love and to help other mothers dig deep, feel good about what they do well, and to help them address the areas they need work. There are things a mother does not need to feel condemnation about. I believe that correction in love is far more effective than condemnation. But there are some things that require more serious attention than others, and some actions that require more serious correction. It is in that spirit that mothers should read this. And they really should. My mission is to dispel society’s picture of the self-centered, want and need-gratified woman. I’m sick of it. And I’m not alone. In response to questions and comments I have had in the way I hold my marriage and raise my children I have started this journal. Not because I think I am perfect (far from it,) but because I believe mothers and wives have things that we all can learn from each other. This is my contribution.

“The Power of the SuperMom”

If you are reading this blog, you’re probably thinking, “who on earth is this woman, what is a SuperMom, and what makes her qualified to say anything about it?” Well, as my college English professor said, start with the introduction then eat the elephant one bite at a time.
My name is Erin Lloyd. I am a 25 year old mother of three, former single mother, and currently a stay-at-home mom. I’ve been married to the love of my life, a Marine named Joshua, for currently almost two years. I am the proud mother of a four year old boy named Hayden, a twenty-month-old girl named Molly-Ann, and a four-month-old baby boy named Josh Jr. My husband is a correctional officer, a protector, and a provider for my family. I sell home-crafted baby and mother’s items online as a cottage industry to pay a few bills and express my creative side. Our life is good here. It wasn’t always…but it is now.
So what is a SuperMom and why am I qualified to talk about it? Let me answer that for you:
You know what I’m sick of? I’m sick of seeing live-in nannies glorified on TV. I’m sick of watching a show that depicts parents without their children most of the time. Don’t get me wrong, I think the feminist movement did fantastic things for the fairer sex. (Yes, I did just say the fairer sex. We are prettier than men, we are more fair, I.e.: we are the fairer sex. If you are offended by that, quit reading.) I’m sick of being made to feel like since I am a stay-at-home mommy without a career to drain me every day that I’m not worth anything as a person. I believe that choice, the choice of career or stay-at-home, is something every mother must decide for herself. What is right for me may not be right for others. But I have the ability to stand back and look at it and tell it like it is. That’s why I want to write this blog. Not because I think I’m perfect (if I thought I was perfect, it’d be called “Perfect Mom” not SuperMom.) My sister, my mother, they both would have stories to tell you about how un-perfect I am, and they would be right. I’m not a perfect mom, but the difference between being a perfect mom and being a “SuperMom” is this: SuperMoms try harder. SuperMoms strive every day to be better about more and more things. We’re better than perfect moms, because we earn it. Perfect moms have everything handed to them, their children behave, their bills are paid on time, they have everything they could want, need or desire. They drive fancy cars, their houses are clean and their husbands buy them diamond rings on a weekly basis with money to spare. That is NOT my life. My life is this:
5:30am, baby squalls, roll over in bed, try not to fall out while pulling him out of his co-sleeper. Try to be awake enough to decide which breast to nurse first. Get it wrong and get a wet shirt. Decide not to chance waking baby up again and just deal with it. Gradually fall back asleep.
7:30am, awaken by two children, one a 4-year-old boy who stands at the side of your bed staring at you intently until you feel it and crack an eye open. And the other a one-and-a-half-year-old girl who stumbles up next to him and then the smell of two-week-old dead skunk hits you and you realize its coming from her diaper.
7:45am, after pulling on an oversized tee and baggy sweatpants over your twisted up and breast milk soaked (again) wifebeater you wore to bed last night, you calmly try to sit on the floor to change said one-and-a-half-year-old baby girl. She decides to kick and scream to make the situation more interesting. Mission accomplished, you take the WMD of a diaper to the trashcan. Repeat process on three-month-old baby boy who smiles at you and makes your heart melt despite the fact that your eyelids are so heavy you feel like you need to staple them to your hairline.
8:15am, prepare breakfast of equal portions of grain, fruit, dairy, and protein. Baby girl eats little bites of each then immediately dumps the rest on floor. Repeat process and try to spoon feed her. Get frustrated and swear she won’t eat until lunch. Make her a promise and this time you are gonna stick with it. Drink two cups of coffee.
8:25am, give baby girl first apple slice of the day.
8:47am, second apple slice. You still smell that skunky diaper and realize in the kicking and screaming some diaper gunk stuck to your shirt and is completely encrusted on. Change said shirt.
9:07am, two packages of fruit snacks and five crackers later you tell yourself that, “well, at least she’s eating healthy things.”
10:32am, the “troublesome twosome’s” first meltdown of the day following brother’s desperate sneaky attempt to confiscate the chocolate bar hidden in the back of the cupboard. He takes after his mother, he can sniff it out. You take it away, tell them no candy until after lunch. They cry. And cry. And cry. And kick the cabinet.
10:33am, first time-out of the day. Still crying…
10:36am, time-out over, apologies made.
10:37am, crying for candy begins again. You tell them no, no candy until after lunch. You’re going to stick with it.
10:38am, first piece of candy of the day. One for them, two for you.
10:42am, second piece for them, third, fourth, and fifth for you.
10:57am, catch dog and pry leftover chocolate from her teeth.
11:32am, start lunch consisting of all major food groups.
12:02pm, clean 3 major food groups from under the highchair….
And I’ll stop there, as you get the idea. My main point is that whoever came up with the idea that you either need to be a force to recon with in the workplace, or a blue-ribbon Mrs. Cleaver in the home should be shot. So I started this blog, because other mothers I know ask me how I get through every day with three very young children, a home, and a husband. I feel we all have things to learn from each other as mothers. We all can draw from other SuperMoms’ experiences. And I believe we all are SuperMoms. Just saying it outloud is powerful. Go ahead, say it. “I am a SuperMom.” Say it every day. Say it every time you feel discouraged, frustrated, angry, depressed, even when you are happy. Say it over and over. Because being a SuperMom is as easy as just trying to better yourself as a mother, as a wife, and as a woman every day. Tell yourself what you do well, then tell yourself where you want to improve. Make it a part of your every day experience. Wake up, look in mirror, tell self I am a SuperMom. I had to. I felt so bogged down and so much of a failure that I literally had to grab myself by the bra straps and get out of the slump. And it worked!
So this blog is dedicated to mothers everywhere who want a little extra guidance, who want someone to talk to, to share ideas with, and even someone to give advice to. I am always looking to learn new things.